


flasbacks get me close (but i’m staring at someone else’s)

by blaketrash



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/M, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Minor Becho, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Soulmates, minor flarke at the beginning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:26:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26431873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blaketrash/pseuds/blaketrash
Summary: Clarke's been seeing flashes of her soulmate's life for most of what she can remember. She never sees anything too specific, never a clear face or a distinct view.At first, it's monkey bars at the playground, a soccer ball flying into the goal post, a toy from a McDonald’s happy meal, a Barbie doll, a brown stuffed bear...At twenty-two, Clarke's visions are more or less the same every time: plastic glow in the dark stars on a white ceiling, the sound of laughter in a big group of people, a peeled sticker on a beer bottle, a chess set or an opened book but with letters never clear enough to make out the words.Her father told her these flashes were supposed to get more frequent and then stop once she meets her soulmate. But what if, after the flashes stop, Clarke's still not sure who her soulmate is?on hiatus I guess :(
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 7
Kudos: 28





	flasbacks get me close (but i’m staring at someone else’s)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had the idea for this fic for the longest time, but I just couldn't sit down and write it until I needed a distraction (after watching 7x13) (:
> 
> The chapter in front of you is only the prologue, hopefully, I'll post the first part soon. Enjoy!!♥
> 
> The title of the fic is from the song ['High Dive'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyxvYwCH524) by Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness. It's a great song - give it a listen!

When Clarke was five, her dad told her a bedtime story. It was not the usual fairytale about the beautiful princess and her knight in shining armor. Nor was it another cliche story about brave heroes who always seem to save the day, or all the amazing and wonderful adventures they go on, discovering new worlds and planets each night. No, this was a love story. Unlike any other Clarke had heard before.

_“According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs, and a head with two faces. But because they were too powerful, the king of gods, Zeus, split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.”_

“That’s only the myth, princess,” Clarke’s dad reassured her, chuckling at the sight of her expression as she tried to imagine what those people looked like, scrunching her nose at the mental image. “And besides,” he continued to explain, gently tucking a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear, “even if it is true, that all happened a long time ago.”

“Were you born with two faces and four arms, daddy?” Clarke asked innocently, making her father laugh harder. She always looked at him in a way that made him feel warm inside: like he was her hero. And she really thought he was her hero, she always drew him like that: a hero with the wrinkles around his eyes from smiling, soft but brittle hands from work, and a cape. Though he never actually wore a cape.

“ _No_ , that was before my time,” he explained with a laugh. There was no judgment behind his voice, he never spoke to Clarke in that condescending way other adults sometimes did, as if she was a little kid who doesn’t understand anything, even when she was just that. “But some believe there _are_ people who actually have a real soulmate, someone who’s their other half, just like in the myth.”

Clarke looked at him confused, so he continued. In hindsight, he probably should’ve left this conversation for when Clarke was slightly older. “Most people who have the other half, don't get to meet their soulmate. But whatever happens in their life, they always share a special kind of bond with that other person.” 

"What is a special bond?" Clarke asked as she made herself more comfortable in her bed, hugging her favorite blue stuffed bunny close to her body. 

"People that have those special bonds can sometimes know what the other one feels. They understand each other better than anyone else. And, if they meet each other, most often they fall in love."

Clarke looked up at her dad with wide eyes, the same shade of blue as his, which made his heart swell up with pride. "Are you and mom soulmates?"

Back then, Clarke didn’t understand the meaning behind the expression her father made as he looked away. He shifted his focus to countless stuffed animals on Clarke’s bed, lining them up just the way she liked them, before he finally replied, "In some way we are." 

Clarke didn't understand what he meant by it, but she also didn’t think much of it then. "Do _I_ have a soulmate?"

"Maybe you’ll have one," he told her, lightly tapping the tip of her nose, "when you grow up."

"How will I know?" 

"You'll just know.”

" _How_?"

He could never get tired of her stubborn curiosity. He welcomed all of her questions, making sure to answer every single one. Even when she was too young, he told her anything she wanted to know. And now, although she was only five, he told her about soulmates, blinking a little as he tried to recall every little detail from the back of his mind. "Sometimes, before you meet them, you might see little snippets of their life."

"Daddy,” Clarke scrunched her nose again, “what are _snippets_?"

He chuckled as he tucked her in under her favorite blanket. "You'll see parts of their life in flashes,” he tried to explain, but it left both of them unsatisfied. “You'll see what they see. Sometimes you'll feel what they feel. It will happen more frequently the closer you get to meeting them, and if you ever do meet them, you'll just know."

Clarke didn't ask more questions that night. She was tired after spending the entire day after school playing outside with Wells and Monty, riding their bikes up and down the street, and trading Pokemon cards with other neighbor’s kids. 

After he finished tucking her in, and once again made sure all the toys were correctly lined up on the bed, Clarke's father kissed her cheek and wished her a good night. He turned off the lights but left the door slightly ajar at her request so that a little ray of light could still illuminate the bright pink carpet on the floor of her room. She fell asleep quickly. That night, she dreamt about riding her new red bike again, but she never forgot what her dad told her. 

And then, when Clarke was eight, she saw it.

She was packing up her bag for school, making sure she packed all of her good pencils when her vision darkened. When she finally saw the light, a second later, it was golden like sunlight. Then she saw a smile of a baby in its crib and a hand reaching out towards it. And then it was over, and Clarke was again staring at her pink pencil case. The feeling of pride and happiness like she never felt it before lingered for a couple more minutes, but it didn’t feel like anything she had experienced before. This was not her feeling, but somebody else’s. 

That day, Clarke barely focused on anything at school. She stared at the clock during classes, zoned out during lunch as Monty and Wells talked about Star Wars, doodled a four-legged person in the corner of her textbooks, tapping her foot and waiting for the last bell of the day to ring so she can finally go home and try to figure it out. She was supposed to hang out with some girls from her class that afternoon, but she canceled her plans for the day, making up the lamest excuse in the book: “my mom said no”. If her dad was home, she could’ve easily asked him about it the moment she walked in from school before she even dropped her schoolbag on the floor, and that would be it. But it wasn’t that easy, her dad was at work. At first, Clarke waited patiently, watching everything that played on Disney channel and trying to focus on her homework for a while. But when he wasn’t home by nightfall, Clarke started debating whether she should ask her mom about it. 

Clarke wasn’t a baby anymore. She no longer needed other people to put her to sleep, but that night, before she went to bed and because her dad still wasn’t home, Clarke decided to ask her mom to tell her the story about soulmates.

"Who told you about that?" Her mom laughed, shaking her head slightly so that her dangle earrings jingled. "Did some of your friends from school tell you that? Wells and Monty are good kids, but if they’re filling your head with nonsense like this, I might have to speak to their mothers."

"Daddy told me."

Clarke’s mother’s face froze. "What?"

"Dad told me a story about soulmates once before bed," she explained. The memory was fuzzy in her head. "I think he said that sometimes you can see what your soulmate sees."

"When was that?" The smile on her mother’s face remained frozen like it was made out of plastic. Her eyes were no longer smiling.

Clarke just shrugged, "I don't know, I was little."

"What book was that from?"

"There's was no book." Or at least Clarke didn’t remember there being a book. Was there a book?

"Well, I don't know that story. He probably made it up,” her mother decided, pleased with herself. “Want me to read you a Harry Potter book instead?"

But Clarke wasn’t in the mood for Harry Potter. And besides, even if she was, she could read it on her own. _This_ story, though, she couldn’t. "Can we ask him?"

Her mom’s eyes softened as she caressed her daughter’s cheek. "Honey, you know he's working tonight,” she reminded Clarke as if somehow she hadn’t noticed his absence the whole afternoon. “You can ask him tomorrow."

When Clarke finally went to bed that night, after begrudgingly trying to get through a few chapters of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, the only thing on her mind was still the same: _ask dad about soulmates._ She decided she’ll have to do it first thing in the morning. 

And that’s what she did.

After getting dressed up for school, Clarke went downstairs to the kitchen where she saw her dad, sitting by the kitchen table, illuminated by the golden morning light breaking through the window. His eyelids looked heavy, with dark circles under his eyes from not sleeping, but once she entered the room his lips curled into a smile, and he put down his newspaper. 

Mornings like this one, where her mom was already at work, and she got to spend time with her dad before he sent her off to school, were Clarke’s favorite.

"Did you have fun at school yesterday?" Her father asked her as she chewed on the breakfast he prepared for her. 

"Yes."

"What was the best part of your day?" He always asked questions like this, trying to get her to find good in everything. Even though most of her days were pretty average for an eight-year-old, he’d listen to her go on and on about what she ate for lunch, what Monty said during recess, a book Wells gave her, or an assignment she needed help with.

"In Art class, we drew our families,” Clarke pointed to the fridge where her mother had pinned her newest masterpiece. “I drew you, and then I drew me, but I ran out of yellow, so I had to draw mom's hair white. She didn't like it. She said it made her look old."

“Your mom will get over it,” her dad chuckled as he got up to inspect the new drawing from up close. “I think this is amazing, princess.” He took the drawing from the fridge and got back into his seat across the table from Clarke. “Is this _our_ cat?”

“Yes. Snowballs,” Clarke replied proudly. They didn’t have a cat. Not yet, at least, but Clarke was trying to change that.

Her dad laughed. It was a deep laugh that filled the entire house. “Ah, and look at me in my uniform!” He beamed at his daughter who was smiling back at him. “And your mom is wearing her scrubs, that’s a nice detail! She must’ve liked that.”

Clarke shrugged as her face fell. "She laughed at me when I asked her about soulmates last night," she said, looking down at the half-empty plate in front of her.

There was a moment of silence before her dad asked, "What did she say?"

"She said you made that story up," Clarke said simply, stuffing her mouth with a bite too big for her mouth.

"And why did you ask her about soulmates?” He asked cautiously, “Did you see something?"

She nodded. "Why did she say you made it up? That's not true, right?" 

"Clarke, you do know that lying's bad, right?"

"Yes. They told us at school that if we lie we can get in big trouble."

" _Right_ ," he agreed, taking a big breath while carefully picking his words for the next part. "Lying _can_ be very very bad. But, sometimes, when you _really_ love someone, you have to keep some secrets from them so as not to hurt them. And it might sometimes sound like you’re lying, but it’s only to help the other person."

Clarke looked at him confused.

"You see, mom probably thinks you're too young to know about this,” her dad explained. “She's probably afraid you're gonna find some boyfriend or girlfriend at school tomorrow, run off with them into the sunset, and that she'll never see you again," he said jokingly.

"I wouldn't do that!" Clarke protested.

"I know you wouldn't," he reassured her, trying to hide his laugh with the back of his hand. "But, from now on, how about we keep that whole thing about soulmates a secret? We don't mention it to her anymore, so she doesn't have to worry."

"Okay," she agreed.

"And we don't mention it to other people either. We keep it _our_ little secret."

Clarke nodded with a determined look on her face.

"Pinky swear?” He offered, and she giggled as they locked their pinky fingers, a promise made. 

A couple of weeks later, late at night while she was trying to fall asleep, Clarke saw something again. It looked like fireworks, but she wasn’t sure, it only lasted for a few seconds. And a few weeks after that, she got another flash, and a month after that, there was another. She never saw anything too specific, never a clear face or a distinct view. Sometimes it was monkey bars at the playground, sometimes it was a soccer ball flying into the goal post, a toy from a McDonald’s happy meal, a Barbie doll and a brown stuffed bear or a face of a young girl laughing. It was like Clarke was looking through the fog with a weird unfamiliar feeling deep in her stomach. Most of the time, these visions felt like happiness, laughter, and a strange sense of pride. Clarke would be floating for the rest of the week. 

And then, a couple of years later, just as she was starting to hit puberty, it changed. Clarke rarely saw anything from her soulmate, and when she did, it was a blurry gray or blue flash. Never a clear image, just a weird feeling of emptiness. 

She needed answers. 

"Sometimes, when your soulmate feels something strongly - you see it. Maybe they just don't feel strong emotions right now. Nothing excites them that much," Clarke’s dad explained after she came to him in tears, asking what’s wrong with her soulmate. She hadn’t seen a single flash in three months by that point. Her dad’s words kind of helped. "Maybe they just feel empty right now, but that's okay. They'll get better," he reassured her as she sobbed in his embrace.

Clarke never understood how someone could feel empty for so long until her dad died two weeks before her sixteenth birthday.

And, even after he was gone, Clarke kept her promise to him. She never told anyone about her soulmate, not her best friends, and not even her mom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple of other disclaimers: English is not my first language, I only recently started writing fanfiction, and I might not fully understand the college/uni system in the US, but I'm just gonna wing it based on everything I read so far. This should be fun!
> 
> Originally I wanted to make this a oneshot, but I gave up on that idea (because I was too excited to share at least a part of the story before the show officially ends). This way, the story will consist of five parts plus the prologue, with some parts longer than the others.  
> You'll meet Bellamy in the next part, I promise! 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!♥
> 
> For any comments or constructional criticism you can reach out to me on tumblr ([gansxythethird](https://gansxythethird.tumblr.com)) or write down in the comments! Thank you so much! ♥


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